This had everything, Lindsey. A hope for the future, her current situation of being little more than a slave, her vulnerability to the wiles of a stranger. Skilful use of the first person, the country idiom, and subtlety: Raymond's eye turning black then back to green, never calling her husband by name, "he tries", I won't lie so still in bed", to move the story to the unexpected ending. She trades her life as a slave wife for an eternity as a vampire. I did not see that coming. Brilliant!
Thanks for reading, K.C. (I tried to respond to this earlier, but it wouldn't save.) I'm glad you could see all those things in the few words. It's an extreme trade, yes! Is it better? Not sure. Is she servant to something else now? Vampires are an old presence in fiction. Why couldn't there be one on the prairie? Glad you liked the story. It is one I wrote a few years ago that made me think I could start writing again.
Thank you, Nancy. I wrote it for a contest and it had to be around 1500 words, I think. I wanted a snapshot in time, a horror story, ordinary meet supernatural—so many things. And I had to really parse words. It was tricky, but because it’s short I think it’s blunt and that helps the ending.
You’re so nice. I think I got 12th or 13th? It tripped a switch in my brain, got me back into writing. It helped me believe I could still make up a story.
This was fantastic! One I’ll read again and again. Loved the narrator and her simple, pragmatic perspective—her animal-innocent ambition. Just wonderful storytelling!
Thank you, Liz. I wanted her to be innocent in some ways, but world-weary. You phrase it perfectly. She has an animal-innocence. She’s a survivor. She adapts.
Thanks, K.C. I appreciate your observations. I tried to make her childlike, but also too smart for her age. Scary trade, isn't it? Freedom, but with a price. Thanks for reading!
This had everything, Lindsey. A hope for the future, her current situation of being little more than a slave, her vulnerability to the wiles of a stranger. Skilful use of the first person, the country idiom, and subtlety: Raymond's eye turning black then back to green, never calling her husband by name, "he tries", I won't lie so still in bed", to move the story to the unexpected ending. She trades her life as a slave wife for an eternity as a vampire. I did not see that coming. Brilliant!
Thanks for reading, K.C. (I tried to respond to this earlier, but it wouldn't save.) I'm glad you could see all those things in the few words. It's an extreme trade, yes! Is it better? Not sure. Is she servant to something else now? Vampires are an old presence in fiction. Why couldn't there be one on the prairie? Glad you liked the story. It is one I wrote a few years ago that made me think I could start writing again.
Awesome story Lyndsey, I like how you’ve captured a day in the life of a child bride in such a short story.
Thank you, Nancy. I wrote it for a contest and it had to be around 1500 words, I think. I wanted a snapshot in time, a horror story, ordinary meet supernatural—so many things. And I had to really parse words. It was tricky, but because it’s short I think it’s blunt and that helps the ending.
Well you did an excellent job, I would have given you first place.
You’re so nice. I think I got 12th or 13th? It tripped a switch in my brain, got me back into writing. It helped me believe I could still make up a story.
Wonderful read.
Thank you!
Well done! I didn't see that coming. I like how subtle the reveal is•
Thank you, Lane. Thanks for reading!
What a great story! Hooked me right from the beginning.
JC
Thank you, JC. Thanks for reading!
This was fantastic! One I’ll read again and again. Loved the narrator and her simple, pragmatic perspective—her animal-innocent ambition. Just wonderful storytelling!
Thank you, Liz. I wanted her to be innocent in some ways, but world-weary. You phrase it perfectly. She has an animal-innocence. She’s a survivor. She adapts.
I enjoyed this. The atmosphere you created isn't ominous, but it's desperate. Life is hard for some people.
Thanks, Jane! It’s true—I wanted it to be mundane, have us see what her future holds, then change it. Thanks so much for reading.
My pleasure. I’m not a fan of blood and gore-horror. Much prefer understatement and atmosphere.
Thanks, K.C. I appreciate your observations. I tried to make her childlike, but also too smart for her age. Scary trade, isn't it? Freedom, but with a price. Thanks for reading!